Bibi Chow

I have lots of stories from homestay to post but here are a couple for the moment...

One thing I really enjoy about Tanzanian culture is the degree to which generations interact. Here it is completely normal to see teenage boys hanging out on a regular basis with their 60 year old grandparents and since there are no rooms to hide out in, children spend time with their parents a whole lot more than in the States. During homestay, I developed a great relationship with my Bibi (grandmother) who was crazy in all the best ways. She liked to make inappropriate comments at awkward times, she laughed louder than the roosters crowed, and she was obsessed with my love life. Every day when I returned from school and she returned from the farm (usually barefoot and carrying entire trees for firewood on her head), we would sit together cooking in the backyard. Every single afternoon we would have the same conversation (translated from Kiswahili):

Bibi Chow: Keti!! I really think you should consider marrying Babu Bakari (her husband and my 70 year old grandfather who’s maybe 5’3)
Katie: No way Bibi! Babu is your husband!
Bibi Chow: But Keti! You’d be his 2nd wife! I’d do all the cooking, cleaning, housework, and farming, you just need to relax
Katie: Oh Bibi, sorry I don’t want to be the 2nd wife. I’m the kind of girl who needs 2 husbands
Bibi Chow: Ahhh Keti!! Can you have 2 husbands in America???
Katie: No but you also can’t have 2 wives… doesn’t that seem fair? Besides, Babu Bakari is too old and too short for me.
Bibi Chow: Hmmm [giggle] well I’ll find you a Tanzanian man as tall as that tree [points to a 50’ tall tree in our backyard]
Katie: Ok Bibi, if you find me a man that tall, and who knows how to cook and clean for himself, I will marry him.
Bibi Chow: Ohhhhh Keti…

No joke, we would have this conversation line for line every afternoon. She would then repeat it to anyone who would listen and she’d laugh and laugh. She would sit any male visitor down and in front of him, ask me if he was too old, too short, and if I wanted him to be my mchumba (fiancé). It was mortifying for the visitor and me, but highly entertaining for everyone else.

It is true that polygamy is widely practiced in Tanzania. I often wonder how there are so many women for these men to take as wives. It has definitely been a difficult cultural practice for me to wrap my head around but by judging, I only isolate myself. And at the end of the day, from a survival point of view, a rural Tanzanian woman is better off with the protection of a male with other wives than on her own. As a health educator, it’s a goal of mine not only to educate women on how to protect themselves with birth control and condoms but also to empower women to choose to be with men who share similar family values and goals in life.